Why God Doesn’t Need Us And Why That’s a Good Thing

It is hard to get by a single day without using the word “need” in some context. Need is first associated with being in want. A baby needs to be fed. She needs her diaper changed. But even when we find ourselves in a position of authority, we use the word. A parent tell his child, “I need you to take out the trash.” A teacher tells a student, “I need you to sit down and be quiet.”

I wondered if the Bible ever said that God needed anything. As strange as it would be for the creator of the entire universe to have a need, I still wondered if I could find any verse with God as the subject and need as the verb. Did he ever tell Moses, “Moses, I need you to go to Egypt”?

I could not find a single verse where God was said to need anything. God commanded many people to do things. He even retrieved disobedient Jonah with a big fish to turn him around, but he never said, “Now, Jonah, I need you to go to Nineveh.” God doesn’t need anything, and he doesn’t need us.

Image result for god needs you
Messages like this are all around, but they do not reflect biblical truth.

Paul said in Acts 17:25, “And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything. Rather, he himself gives everyone life and breath and everything else” (NIV). My short paraphrase? God doesn’t need us; we need him.

We wouldn’t usually consider it flattering to tell a person we care about that we don’t need them. In fact, we do need others. We are co-dependent; God made us that way. God cannot be co-dependent on anyone, because he is always self-sufficient. But this is good news for us two ways:

  1. If God doesn’t need us, then his interest in us is based on his election, his loving and sovereign choice. God is not exploiting us because he is needy. He is not lonely, being in fellowship with each member of the Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. In short, God may not need us, but he does want us.
  2. Though God in his essence does not need anything, he chose to experience human need in the incarnation. The God who knew no need, was a completely helpless baby living with a peasant family! We can never imagine how far God stooped to leave the glories of heaven and without ever having known need to subject himself to the most extreme form of human need. He did this for us!

What does this have to do with us who are suffering with chronic pain? It means that God didn’t need you to hurt. You aren’t hurting because you are making up for some grand plan in the cosmic scheme of things that would be incomplete if you didn’t suffer. Now, I believe that God redeems and uses our suffering for his glory, but that is different than the idea that somehow God needed you to suffer. You are not suffering because he is somehow exploiting you. When others have told you this or you have believed it, you were subjected to bad theology.

Image result for god needs nothing
This is a better message…not surprising, considering the source!

It is rather in our suffering that our need for God is revealed. Had humanity never fallen into sin, then I suppose our need for God would not have needed to be revealed in suffering. But you can’t put the fruit back on tree, so to speak. Our world is full of suffering, of which the phenomenon of chronic pain is simply one way we experience it.

God has seen to it that one day we will no longer suffer. In the meantime, let your suffering remind you of one of life’s most important truths…you need God and he wants you!

Posted in Chronic Pain, Theodicy, Theology | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pain In Middle Earth

I am a huge fan of Lord of the Rings and J.R.R. Tolkien. I know not everyone is and I promise not “geek out” too much about my Middle Earth fandom here where I spend most of time writing about faith in the midst of chronic pain, but some of you love this kind of stuff, so I am going to indulge a little bit today (and I’m still going to connect it to chronic pain)!

Image result for lord of the rings book cover

I recently finished a book by Daniel Day about Tolkien’s inspirations for his dark villains of Middle Earth. It was a short and fascinating read with incredible artwork throughout. Though I had read all of Tolkien’s Middle Earth books twice, I had never looked more deeply into the world of myth that inspired him. I was so inspired that the next book I bought was a book about Norse mythology.

Tolkien weaved together so many stories, peoples, and characters from mythology, one would be tempted to view his Lord of the Rings work as derivative. But the genius of Tolkien is that he made a better mythology than his source material, and he made it his own. Of course, as a devout Catholic, he also weaved in biblical themes and symbolism, because he believed that all stories were ultimately derivative of the greatest story.

Lately, I’ve found myself wanting to be lost in the world of fantasy, yes, even the world of myth. Is fantasy, as Tolkien conceived it, simply a world to which we can retreat to escape our pain? No, I don’t think so. Tolkien’s Middle Earth was full of pain, suffering, and death, just like ours. Heroes risked and experienced suffering and death in their battle against evil. In fact, even characters (like Frodo) who did not meet their ultimate demise, accepted death as inevitable to complete their quest.

I don’t think it is escapism that draws me into Tolkien’s world. I think it is meaning that pulls me in. I see something of our own struggle against the pain and evil of this world in the heroic stories of Frodo, Sam, Bilbo, Aragorn, et al. I am inspired that Tolkien’s characters saw their world was worth fighting for even in the midst of their darkest threats.

And maybe you think that doesn’t matter because it is a fictional world, but the best works of fiction echo the real world. We are caught up in an epic battle between good and evil. Everyday people decide where they will stand. Everyday people decide what they are willing to die for. Everyday people look doggedly for the meaning in their existence and in their world.

Who needs the belief in the reality of meaning and the story of good ultimately prevailing more than those who suffer with chronic pain? I need all the stories I can get that remind of the ultimate story. A story in which God himself heroically offered his life over to the forces of evil in what seemed like certain defeat for all goodness and truth. A story where even death itself could not hold down the Son of God.

That story is not a myth. But Tolkien’s mythological world helps me see that ultimate story in new ways. I will never tire of hanging out in Middle Earth. On my darkest days, it is still a place where I can find light. It is a place where I am reminded that pain and suffering are not things in themselves. They are simply the absence of good. Since good will prevail, pain and suffering will disappear when evil is vanquished. I will embrace every opportunity to be reminded of that glorious truth, even in the literary world of fantasy.

Posted in Chronic Pain and Literature | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Thoughts on the Loss of a Loved One For the Chronically Ill

I haven’t blogged in over a month and part of the reason is that I’ve been processing some thoughts during a difficult time. My best friend was killed in a motorcycle accident on July 12th and we didn’t have his memorial service until July 26th. I found that I lost my voice, so to speak, for a while. I had no words to offer anyone. Even preaching–my regular job–was difficult.

Image may contain: 3 people, including Chris Blair and David Heflin, people smiling, people standing and beard
Chris Blair, Jim Chandler, and David Heflin during a training weekend for a mission trip to Shanghai.

I didn’t prefer the long delay between Chris’ death and the service, but it might have given me a chance to find my voice again. I was asked to be the emcee for the service. I had the honor of opening the service and then facilitating the process of many others sharing their thoughts. By God’s grace, all went well.

Still, I didn’t have anything new to say to the chronically ill/chronic pain community. I was dealing with a very different kind of pain and I couldn’t find the common ground between the grief of the loss of a loved one and the kind of pain I usually address here. I’ve come to the conclusion that that is the point. They are two totally different experiences and one does not inform the other very much at all.

If I had never known chronic pain, the death of my friend would not have hurt any more or any less. And the experience of chronic pain did not necessarily prepare me for the type of pain related to losing a loved one. And that’s okay. I don’t expect that somehow going through one kind of pain makes you stronger for another type of pain.

The lesson is that grief and loss visit all people. We are not different because we hurt physically. Life is still life, and death is still death. This brings me an odd sense of comfort. Having chronic pain is a different kind of experience than what most people have to endure. It makes us different enough.

When I came together with Chris’ family and our mutual friends, I wasn’t thinking about my physical pain (To be honest, it has been much less lately anyway). I was thinking about how much we all lost when Chris left us. Just this day, I had some heavy things on my heart, the exact kinds of things that I used to always call Chris about. I couldn’t call him and it made me grieve all over again.

I do not grieve like those who have no hope. I know I will see Chris again. I believe in the resurrected Jesus and the complete victory he gives us his people over death. But deep inside me is a void created by the absence of a brother I will always cherish. And in this way, we (those of us with chronic pain/illness) are just like everyone else. I’m not glad for our losses, but I am thankful that we aren’t so different after all.

P.S.: Chris was a graphic designer and he is the one who created the Broken and Mended logo.

Posted in Chronic Pain and Grief | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Freedom For The Chronically Ill

As we celebrate our nation’s independence, I realize that freedom means many different things for different people. Some dwell significantly on our soldiers who have secured our freedoms since 1776 (the Revolutionary War actually started in 1775). Others may dwell on the freedoms themselves, freedom of speech, freedom to assemble, freedom of religion, and so forth. For me the freedom of religion is my most cherished freedom because I know that many of my brothers and sisters in Christ around the world do not enjoy such freedom. I try to not take it for granted.

Image result for declaration of independence

I often hear people who suffer from chronic illness express sentiments of being trapped in their bodies. That got me to thinking about what freedom means for those who are hurting constantly. You cannot escape your pain and you cannot escape your body. You manage as best you can, but in a very significant way you long for freedom from your illness.

Some have tried to escape their pain by taking their own life. That’s not freedom, however. That is surrender. Now I know that many good people have become overwhelmed by their own pain and took their lives. I do not have an ounce of judgment for them. But neither do I want to give any credence to the idea that suicide or euthanasia purchases freedom. Instead such irreversible actions just pass down your pain to those who survive you in the form of crippling grief. It is one of Satan’s greatest lies that death itself is freedom.

In the Bible, death is our enemy. Christ defeated death in the resurrection. Those who belong to Christ share in his victory (1 Cor. 15). Christians are now free from the fear of death (Heb. 2:15). Christians do not defeat death by embracing it, but sharing in Christ’s victory over it.

The Bible is an eschatological book. Eschatology means “last things,” but the entire Bible looks toward a horizon where everything will be as it should be. Such an aspiration is a concession that things are not as they should be right now. If they were, you would not be sick. You would not be dying. To achieve this aspiration, God personally came to earth and suffered in the person of Jesus Christ so that he could be risen from the dead and ascend back to the side of his Father, forever securing his victory over sin and death and ours.

Our freedom from pain and suffering does not come through our death, but through his. While it is true that death can be a relief from suffering, that is only true due to the hope we have in Christ. This victory produces a whole new eschatological reality.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Rev. 21:1-4).

Sometimes freedom cannot be gained through a declaration–Even after the Declaration of Independence, the war raged on until 1783–but has to be waited on patiently. The Israelites were in Egypt for 400 years before God freed them through Moses. One day we will have our freedom from this body of pain and suffering. One day God will give us a new immortal body that will never suffer or die. One day we will have our freedom and it will never be lost again!

Posted in Chronic Pain, Eschatology | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

So You Are Doing Better…Now What?

The struggle with chronic pain/illness is not always a downward spiral. It feels that way at times. I can remember a series of doctor’s visits that left my wife and I shaking our heads every time we left the appointment. When would the bad news stop? I consoled myself with cheap Italian food at Fazoli’s–hey, we all have our guilty pleasures!

Medical diagnoses notwithstanding, the struggle was manageable until 2015. That summer I started to go downhill, eventually resulting in another hip surgery and nerve burning procedures in my back just so I could sit without pain for longer than 15 minutes. During those days, it felt like I would never get better. It was my downward spiral season.

Image result for downward spiral
Chronic pain and illness is not always a downward spiral.

Lately, I have been doing better than I have since this all started (2011). I would estimate my pain to be down about 75%. I still have a few rough days, but I have more energy and less pain than I have had for years. I am going to the gym. I’m losing weight. Instead of a downward spiral, everything is cycling up. I am very aware that this could all change quickly.

However, I believe it is important to take advantage of this season. If you are feeling better, do what you can now. Yes, your condition could change for the worse again, but that should be the reason to take advantage of the blessing of this particular opportunity.

I can remember when all of this first happened, how humbling it was to find out how severely limited I could become. I took what I could do before chronic illness for granted. I know better than that now! Even though I am not pain free, I feel almost normal these days. That’s a nice feeling.

Of course, continue to listen to your body. Don’t overdo it. Don’t hurt yourself. But do what you can and don’t forget from where you came. I mean don’t lose the empathy for others just because you are doing better, and don’t take for granted how well you are feeling.

I am not just talking about working out. Maybe you’ve put off a project. Maybe you wanted to write a book. Grab hold of this particular season that you have been given like you never would have before you got sick or hurt. You now have the gift of perspective. Use it to its fullest!

Posted in Chronic Pain | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

The Gift of Empathy

Being a sympathetic person is different than being empathetic. Sympathy can be expressed by anyone whether they have experienced something or not. I can be sympathetic toward someone who has experienced the grief of losing a parent, but empathy requires you to have had the same experience. I cannot empathize with that person’ loss except in a general way about losing a loved one. Obviously, this was true of chronic pain as well. Before I had that experience, I can only say something like, “I am sorry you are going through that.” That is sympathy and can be meaningful, but empathy is being able to say, “I know what that’s like because I have experienced it.”

Note: (Some truly empathic persons may be able to genuinely feel others pain even without the same kind of experience, but this is the exception not the rule. Likewise, we can talk about trying to be empathetic by seeing someone’s situation through their eyes. This is a worthy endeavor, but I am talking about empathy that is earned and naturally genuine).

Image result for empathy
Credit: Getty Images

When my oldest was born with acid reflux, it was miserable. He was our first child and he screamed for hours every day. It was demoralizing to the extreme. I remember we got him in to see some kind of specialist and they ran some tests and came out and tried to tell us that it was normal! We couldn’t believe it. They didn’t even have sympathy. But I’ll never forget our pediatrician telling us that he had been through the same thing with his daughter. Even though it had been twenty years earlier, it meant so much to us that he could empathize with our suffering. We, in turn, got to empathize with others going through the same thing with their babies. 

Many people view God as a distant deity, as sympathetic at best and indifferent at worst. Years ago, Joan Osborne sang a song that asked, “What if God was one of us? Just a slob like the rest of us. Just a stranger on the bus just trying to make his way home?” The implication was that God doesn’t know what it is to be one of us. And even though we can say that God knows everything, God could not truly empathize with us unless he did become one of us. But that’s exactly what God did in Jesus Christ. Heb 4:15:

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin.

Th high priest represented the people to God. Jesus is the perfect high priest because he represents us as fully human, yet not tainted with sin. He is both divine and human, but it is in his humanity that God is able to empathize with us.

Paul wrote about how their sufferings became a means for the comfort of others, just as Christ’s sufferings became comfort for them. 2 Cor. 1:3-7:

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

This is the Christian view of empathy. Our God, who knows our struggles firsthand, comforts us and we, in turn comfort one another. That is what Broken and Mended is about. This is a community in which we experience empathy and give that blessing to each other.

No one signs up for chronic pain, but your endurance of it has given you the gift of empathy. When someone hurts every day of his or her life, even though their experience of pain may be very different than yours, you know what it is like to hurt every day too. Maybe we wouldn’t have wanted to acquire empathy on this matter, if we had a choice, but don’t let that gift go to waste. You may truly be a blessing to someone who desperately needs to know that they are not alone!

Posted in Chronic Pain and Support | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

What To Do With All That Advice

Not long after my health problems started with injured hips the advice started flowing in. Long before I knew I had a chronic illness, many well-intentioned friends had a hard time believing that someone my age could have hip problems. One man told me that I probably just something “caught up” in there, whatever that means. Others told me that it was probably my back, and I needed to see a chiropractor. Eventually, others told me that if I gave up diet sodas or followed this special diet all my problems would go away.

Image result for bad advice

They all meant well, but the problem is not a one of them had any idea what they were talking about. Even some of my early doctors did not understand what was happening to me and gave me poor advice. One person brought me magnets. Another counseled me on some kind of electrical impulse therapy. Someone gave some advice that I thought was the craziest I had ever heard, so crazy I thought I would never forget it, but as I’m writing this I can’t remember what it was!

The advice never stops. Whenever you share your story with someone new the advice almost always follows. It is given with no understanding of your medical condition.

I realize that some people do well with alternative medical approaches. I have tried a few, admittedly halfheartedly; acupuncture, deep tissue massage, chiropractor, a few elimination diets, etc. I did try those magnets. I think there are times when I find the mood to try something new. After all, what do I have to lose?

But most of the time I hear the newest suggestion and just listen politely. I already know that I have no interest in their latest simple solution to my complex medical condition. I know it won’t work because it has no bearing on an autoimmune disease that attacks healthy joints and tissues. My doctors barely understand it and we are working together to do everything imaginable just to keep the disease at bay. Your encounter with a new type of therapy that helped you overcome your back injury is irrelevant to what is happening in a body at war with itself.

We live with our diseases and have come across almost all the relevant helpful advice. We know how to use the internet and to network with others who have the same disease. If it seemed reasonable, we probably tried it. We discussed it with our doctors.

But I am not really writing this blog to “Them,” “Them” being the always willing and rarely helpful friends with their advice. I know how it feels to have your illness reduced to someone’s campaign against diet drinks. My suggestion is to smile and say, “Thanks for sharing that. I’ll give it some thought.” You don’t have to give it any more thought than it took to say that. If you try to explain the folly of their ways, they likely won’t get it, and they will think you are stubborn and ungrateful.

I know how it feels to be made to feel like you are not doing everything that you can to help with your health. If you just did this or that, then you wouldn’t hurt all the time. I know how much that diminishes your struggle. But don’t take it out on “Them;” they don’t know because they haven’t been where you are. They probably really do care and just believe that if you listen to them that you will be well. No matter how delusional that thought may be, they are merely trying to help.

Try new advice only when you feel like it is something you’ve been looking for. Otherwise, maybe just let it go “in one ear and out the other.” Just don’t forget to smile!

What’s the worst advice you’ve received?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 5 Comments